found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
