you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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