Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
