So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
