he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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