Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
