she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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