Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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