just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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