im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
