im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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