so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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