we're making bets on your personal life
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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