I need to stop coming to work sober
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
