Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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