I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
