this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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