Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize