I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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