you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
