My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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