I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
