Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
