We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize