please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
