remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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