you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
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