Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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