i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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