sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize