Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
