Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
