"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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