I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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