im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I cut my penus on the lid.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
