I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
