you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
