her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
