If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
