I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
she smelled like a LAN party
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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