Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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