i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
