Texts From Last Night

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  (312): View more from Illinois

  We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?

  (312): View more from Illinois

  But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.

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  (312): We made it safely. Thanks for the call though. (248): Great. Don't do shady things like that ok? (312): But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all. http://tfl.nu/00eu
  Replies (3) Good night (1269) Bad night (2062)
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  (415): View more from California

  Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.

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  (415): Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel. http://tfl.nu/yxi6
  Replies (7) Good night (918) Bad night (544)
• Favorite

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I'm moving there. Get me hired.

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  (502): Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job. (973): I'm moving there. Get me hired. http://tfl.nu/wn7j
  Replies (39) Good night (5777) Bad night (877)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  susan atkins died, charles manson's lady

  (312): View more from Illinois

  dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.

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  (708): susan atkins died, charles manson's lady (312): dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on. http://tfl.nu/8zd1
  Replies (11) Good night (886) Bad night (2515)
• Favorite

  (559): View more from California

  She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.

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  (559): She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was. http://tfl.nu/tore
  Replies (25) Good night (921) Bad night (6075)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving

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  (740): you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving http://tfl.nu/qna9
  Replies (14) Good night (3406) Bad night (957)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.

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  (732): please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me. http://tfl.nu/r1h1
  Replies (2) Good night (2832) Bad night (788)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now

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  (714): he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now http://tfl.nu/kusn
  Replies (12) Good night (2386) Bad night (627)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke

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  (608): you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke http://tfl.nu/n0vk
  Replies (3) Good night (996) Bad night (478)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.

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  (724): I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas. http://tfl.nu/a06u
  Replies (8) Good night (774) Bad night (828)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.

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  (913): Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth. http://tfl.nu/51lq
  Replies (3) Good night (611) Bad night (404)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week

  (210): View more from Texas

  You are the most depressed sports fan I know

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  (716): It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week (210): You are the most depressed sports fan I know http://tfl.nu/7tbn
  Replies (3) Good night (389) Bad night (814)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does

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  (412): Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does http://tfl.nu/1hcm
  Replies (5) Good night (697) Bad night (314)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough

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  (812): Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough http://tfl.nu/hw2m
  Replies (0) Good night (423) Bad night (300)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.

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  (609): You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS. http://tfl.nu/8bi8
  Replies (1) Good night (682) Bad night (193)

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