We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
