Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
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imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
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So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.