Texts From Last Night

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  (317): View more from Indiana

  It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.

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  (317): It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms. http://tfl.nu/gh72
  Replies (25) Good night (2971) Bad night (1056)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.

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  (715): I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead. http://tfl.nu/jayy
  Replies (19) Good night (1828) Bad night (3847)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes

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  (865): I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes http://tfl.nu/sup4
  Replies (8) Good night (3340) Bad night (762)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.

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  (330): he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60. http://tfl.nu/7fqw
  Replies (20) Good night (6151) Bad night (1003)
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  (845): View more from New York

  I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.

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  (845): I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day. http://tfl.nu/52wz
  Replies (14) Good night (4290) Bad night (800)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.

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  (248): I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name. http://tfl.nu/axbm
  Replies (33) Good night (1660) Bad night (13818)
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  (415): View more from California

  Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point

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  (415): Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point http://tfl.nu/8yzz
  Replies (2) Good night (1287) Bad night (1183)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable

  (1-937): View more from Ohio

  I can do at least one of those things.

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  (937): You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable (1-937): I can do at least one of those things. http://tfl.nu/zzd3
  Replies (2) Good night (1804) Bad night (495)
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  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.

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  (580): That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously. http://tfl.nu/nlfm
  Replies (4) Good night (1191) Bad night (622)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.

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  (801): My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird. http://tfl.nu/uvgo
  Replies (7) Good night (1315) Bad night (597)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking

  (815): View more from Illinois

  the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ

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  (507): Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking (815): the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ http://tfl.nu/al4m
  Replies (5) Good night (1268) Bad night (388)
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  (707): View more from California

  Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.

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  (707): Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point. http://tfl.nu/74cc
  Replies (1) Good night (710) Bad night (355)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with

  (1-775): View more from Nevada

  Atleast he is letting you know he will be late

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  (775): He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with (1-775): Atleast he is letting you know he will be late http://tfl.nu/exkh
  Replies (3) Good night (450) Bad night (543)
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  (212): View more from New York

  maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"

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  (212): maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off" http://tfl.nu/iuof
  Replies (0) Good night (540) Bad night (265)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.

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  (503): He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment. http://tfl.nu/auln
  Replies (2) Good night (610) Bad night (256)

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