My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.