The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.