If i come over, it means nothing
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
