from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Congratulations! We have a period
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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