just tell him i said nine months
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
