She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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