24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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