the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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