The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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