I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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