I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
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Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
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My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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