bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize