I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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