It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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