Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
