he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
