just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
