I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
