i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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