New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
