She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
